Violet
by Elva Jane
Summary: Originally titled Life And Times. Prequel to Don't Push Me Away. Kit's life before the light at the end of the tunnel, close friends and a loving boyfriend. Read and Review.
1. Move Along

When I was younger, too young to survive without friends but too old to play amongst the imaginary kind, the kids never accepted me. I was a bold kid who knew exactly what she wanted to do and it had to happen, no matter what any one else wanted. Call me spoiled, as my father never really showed me love. He'd drown me with gifts, a new gown every week, or the nicest shoes you could buy. But he never said the words that I heard from my mother all the time, the words I would have much rather drowned in.

Kids, they can be so cruel. It seemed like they never left me alone, no matter where I went to hide or who I chose as my friends. My mother made it all better though, saying that they were just jealous. I was a pretty girl, with a good head on my shoulders. That those other kids weren't anything close to me. She wasn't really there, it was all in my head. A nagging motherly tone that I would forever hear, but she loved me. And I knew that's all I needed.

Kindergarden was awkward, I never wanted to go to school. I wasn't happy at home but school wasn't any better, none of the children wanted to play with me. Maybe it was what their parents had told them.. something along the lines of, "Stay away from that Leonheart girl. She's a witch!"

And they were right.

But things got better the next year, I made a close friend.

A poofy haired girl, one I had never spoken to before, was having trouble with her eraser. Those damned pink ones were never good, they just left black marks everywhere, ruining all of your work. Everyone was gathered around her, wishing to help out the best they could. But you guessed it, almost everyone had those damned pink erasers. I rose from my desk and trotted over, white eraser in hand, and erased all of the black marks away. She was happy, and I felt grown up. Because yes, I did know how to properly erase a mess.

How we became friends after that, I can't really recall. But after just one recess she introduced me to some of her own friends, and I grew to love them all in time. I couldn't imagine living without any of them. If fact without them, it wasn't really living at all.

"Kit, we're moving. Cid is resining and gave me his job. We'll be gone in a week."

A week was all I had to say good bye to my best friends, a single week. We'd become so close over the last 3 years, not fighting even once. And now I had to leave them, entirely unsure as to if we would ever speak again.

The day I left was a tearful one, I cried the whole 3 hours in the car on the way to the airport. I hugged my loyal teddy bear to me, and wiped my tears on it. At least I'd have my stuffed friend, at least he'd never leave me.

The good bye I got from my friend Steph was a magical one at best. As we were driving away, she rode her bike behind us, steering with only one hand. You see, she needed the other arm to wave to me and it was a moment I'd keep locked in my memory forever. But she swerved a bit and BAM, she flew into a fire hydrant. I hoped out of the car and helped her onto her feet again, knowing that as funny as it was at this moment, it'll only get funnier in time. Best help her out and laugh later.

And trust me, I still laugh even in death.

When we arrived at my new house, it was beautiful. Much nicer than the other house I loved so much, but that was to be expected. My father was now as rich as could be, he could safely compare himself to the wealthy president. And although I should have been happy, knowing that I could live more extravagantly than before.. I just felt empty. Raw. Alone.

The place was so different. The climate was warmer, it was surrounded by the tallest and coldest moutains, but the town was much smaller. Everyone knew everyone, which wasn't always a good thing.

Word travelled fast that there was a new girl that had just moved in on snob hill. A few girls stopped by and introduced themselves, but I still didn't fit in with any of them. I had a chip on my shoulder, had begun reading shakespeare over summer and dreamed of bigger things. But I was so shy, painfully shy. And the girls were either too immature, too girly or too innocent.

Crap was the worst swear word they had ever heard before in their lives. And that was so over my head, I grew up in a house of constant swearing, and verbal bullying. My mother and father never got along, they hated each other but stayed together for me. Some of the words I didn't even understand, and still to this day I think about what they meant. My mom would tell me that my dad was evil, a horrible man. And my dad would say the same about my mom. I was asked to pick sides so many times, but I didn't know how to decide.

They weren't happy people, at least not when they were together. They fed off of each others pain, and as horrible as that sounds, I don't think they'd know what to do if they had left each other and were happy. I wouldn't have known what to do either.

Because of how I felt inside, but never told anyone about it, I began writing songs, poetry and stories. At first, the poems were happy ones. I'd live in a whole different world whenever I wrote. It was my escape..

But after the move, things darkened.

My writing went from hope for love to wanting to die. But they never saw, my dad never knew.

And it only got worse with the beginning of grade 5 on the horizon, I just didn't want to leave my safe place. Where would I fall?

And how much worse could things get?


	2. The Girls Like You

Authors Notes: Mmmkay.. Thanks for the reviews, Madlax and Orestes666. This chapter is a wee bit longer and hopefully you'll enjoy reading it. Until next time..

The beginning of grade 5 wasn't all that bad, I had people rushing to be my friend from every direction. But they weren't really friends, they just needed to see if I'd pick them or not. Afterwards, everyone would just leave me out. It was up to me to choose my friends, and there was hardly anyone worth it.

For the first 3 months, I had no one. I remember hiding out in the bathroom during recess, just looking at myself in the mirror. I didn't like what I saw, but I thought that I would eventually grow out of it. We all hope for growth to change all that we hated about ourselves, and it kinda reassured me. For three straight months I spent occasional lunches in the bathroom, and recess in one of the stalls. If I recall it was the farthest one down.. the farthest away from people I could be.

Eventually, I became friends with three girls.. Britney, Marie, and Nicole. At first, they were pretty nice to me. They envied what I was wearing, as the only clothing store in the town was Wal-Mart and loved my hair. I never really felt superior to them, no matter how many times they put me on a higher level. Because when things seem too good to be true, they usually are.

When I hung out with them outside of school, which happened only about once every few months, they would constantly talk about other people. How ugly one girl was, how skinny they were, how fat other kids had gotten, and why some kids always sat alone. I joined in a few times, thinking.. I'm sure they aren't saying terrible things about me. What's there to worry about?

But you know.. They were saying a lot about me. And whenever I said anything about our friends, even if I said it as a compliment, they'd twist it around and tell the person about what I had said. I never really understood, we all promised to keep it to ourselves and I hadn't even said anything remotely mean. But that didn't matter, trouble was brewing for me.

Behind my back, they'd call me fat, ugly and a goth and would think about ditching me completely, saying how bad I made them all look. The more I heard these things, the more I started to believe it. Was I as ugly as everyone was telling me? Maybe I was eating too much..

Now of course I wasn't fat, in fact I weighed less than all of them. But that didn't matter, no matter how nice I felt I looked, no one agreed. It was like an unwritten law to hate me, and make my life a living hell. Boy were they good at doing their job..

"Hey Kit, why don't you have a boyfriend?" Britney asked me one day, out of the blue. We were only in grade 5, and I didn't like any of the boys anyway. Why did I need to rush? What was so wonderful about holding hands?

"I don't know, I don't really like anyone." I didn't know what to say, I wasn't expecting a question like this so early on.

"Ohh.. Well, you're too ugly to have one anyway." She smiled at me and walked away, arm and arm with her best friend Marie. I forgave them later, it wasn't as if I really had any other options. The other girls.. they'd treat me just as badly.

I've always been one to stand up for what I believe in, and do what seemed fit for me to do. At an early age I became interested in Shakespeare and would read as many books of his plays as I could find. The other kids deemed this odd, and none of them understood what he was saying. Most kids thought he was German or something to that effect, but obviously.. Well, you know, he's not.

"Shakespeare's stupid. You're a loser." A boy named Quin walked up to me and slammed the book out of my hand, hoping to get a rise out of me. And of course, he'd get one.

"How would you know? You've never read any of his work.." I quickly defended, picking the book from the ground.

"Only kids in advanced spelling can read his stuff then, I guess. But only losers want to learn how to spell anyway." He had me there. Advanced spelling must have meant I was an idiot. How silly of me, not wanting to spell cat over and over again. If you don't get it the first time, you won't get it the second go around either.

"Whatever. I'm not a loser.." At this point, I'd had enough. The constant abuse from my friends and dad was enough for me to take. My eyes swelled with tears and I took my seat again, next to Nicole.

Quin sat behind me, and so I heard everything that he had to say including..

"Kit's just plain ugly. She's the ugliest girl in the class." Laughter erupted out of him and his friend.

I sat there for a moment, trying not to let him get the better of me. I never wanted anyone to know that I had any weaknesses, that I became sad, that I wasn't as strong as I pretended to be. To have weakness was to be human but I just wanted to be numb.

My friend kindly told him to shut up for me, as I sat there trying to compose myself. The tears were coming though, I could feel them burning at my eyes and not wanting anyone to see, I dashed out of the room and into my safe haven, the washroom. It took at least 10 minutes until my supposed friends came to comfort me, and they didn't say much.

"Don't worry about him. You'll grow out of it." ..What?

"Grow out of what?" I asked, hoping to hear a friendly answer.

"Well you know.. the way you look."

I just smiled and went on with my day, I didn't expect any less from them.

I ran home crying that day, as I did almost every other day. But my dad was never there to comfort me, to tell me that everything was going to be alright.

Mom was though..

Don't worry sweetie. They'll learn their lesson later on..

"I don't wanna live here anymore. Why can't I go home?" Stupid dad.. he ruined everything for me.

You'll give through it. And in the end, you'll be stronger than all of them.

Squall's POV

"Hello?" Too many phone calls a day, I can hardly stand that ringing sound anymore. But I guess that's the life of a headmaster.. How'd Cid ever do it?

"Mr.Leonheart? This is your daughters teacher, Mrs. House.." A shaky, older voice said casually.

"Hmm.. What'd she do this time?" Damn it, Kit. You're in deep shit as soon as I get home..

"It's not what she's being doing, but what other kids have been doing to her. I've noticed some bullying lately, and have witnessed her eating alone in the washroom stall. Were you aware of any of this?" How the hell was I supposed to know?

"She's never said a word. Besides, I doubt she's being bullied. And if she is, it'll toughen her up." What a waste of time..

"I don't think you know what you're talking abo-.."

I slammed the phone down and went on with my business. I never had parents, how the hell am I supposed to deal with this crap? I took care of myself, she can do the same.

Kit's POV

"Kit.. We need to talk." I heard my father shout as soon as he entered the house.

And I knew..

I knew where I was headed.


	3. Hey, Daddy It's Your Funeral

_Authors Notes: I wish more people would read Don't Push Me Away and then read this one, lol, I miss reviews! Come back to meeeee! Anyway, here's the next chapter. Enjoy!_

**Squall's POV**

"Where'd she run off to now?" I slammed the door shut and proceeded to search for the hiding girl. "Just come out, I'm not gonna do anything to you. I just want to talk."

I saw a small shadow approaching me from downstairs, and knew what to expect. Her head lowered and staring at the floor, glazed eyes and a quivering chin. Kit.. If you didn't push me to do this, you'd be fine. But you're killing me..

"Now what the hell is wrong with you? Picking on others? Didn't I teach you self esteem?" I grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her up the stairs towards her bedroom, stopping at the wall next to her door. "You're grounded, missy. Not that you'd have anywhere else to go anyway.." I slammed her twice against the wall then threw her into her room, slamming the door shut and locking the outside lock.

I'm not a bad father..

I just don't like screw ups.

**Kit's POV**

I didn't bully anyone..

I've done everything that I can do to make him notice me. I've hardly ate in weeks, and I'm shrinking by the minute. But he doesn't notice.. that, or he pretends not to. Maybe he wants me to go away, just disappear into thin air. I bet that's what he wants, what he wishes for when he waits for shooting stars to pass through the sky. But they've stopped coming, the stars hate him, too.

At least I have a bit of homework left, seeing as how I have nothing else in here to keep me preoccupied. And unlike my father, I don't like to be left with my thoughts. Distractions are best when life has turned it's back on you.

Cut, and paste. Using magazines, news papers, whatever you can find, make a poster that describes you and how you feel. An easy enough project, it shouldn't take much time at all. But it isn't as if I can really put how I feel, no, then I'd probably be kicked out of school. And that's the last thing I need, I can't screw up again.

I began pasting colorful, happy pictures onto the sheet of paper I was given. But something caught my eye, the beautiful edge of the scissors. They glinted with every turn, and cut the paper far easier than any other pair I had ever used. And it struck me.. I could end everything right now. He'll miss me when I'm gone, he'll realize that I've always been the perfect daughter. Yes, it'll all end so perfectly.

_Don't do it.._

"Mom?" Tears poured from my eyes, "Come visit me, please! I need you more than anything!"

I waited for what seemed like an eternity, hoping that she'd hear my cry and come to rescue me, bringing me up to heaven with her. But she never came.. I knew mom couldn't help it, she wasn't alive. And when you're dead, you have no options.

But then again, you have no pain. No sadness, depression, hopelessness, fear, hunger. Nothing, just happiness.

--

Everything got out of control so quickly. The blood was coming out too fast now, and I could hardly control myself when I began cutting everywhere. Grabbing a pure white towel, I dabbed at the wound, hoping to stop the blood from staining the carpet. I could hide the towels, throw them out when he's not around but I can't do much about the carpet.

The phone rang and I spang from the floor, searching wildly for the noisey device. Eventually I found it hiding under my blanket, the place that it liked to hide the most. Please don't be a relative..

"Hey Kit, it's Steph!"

My best friend.. Man, what am I gonna do!

"Hey, sis.."

Think, think.. If I end the conversation too quickly she'll worry about me unless I give a good reason, and attempting suicide definitely isn't good enough.

"How are you today?" Time for the usual answer.

"I'm pretty good, and you?"

I never told her or anyone about what was happening, even though I trusted her with my life. I just don't open up easily, and I don't want to burden other people with my problems. They're mine to worry about, my own burden to carry along. No need to bring anyone else down with me.

"Good, good. I'm doing alright. Oh my god, ok, Nicole's over and we have the funniest story to tell you. Do you remember Mr. Poepel?" She seemed so happy, and as did Nicole. Both of them laughing histerically on the other end, trying to control themselves. And talking to them made me kind of happy, too. But it certainly didn't make me forget about what I had just done. What I just tried to do..

"Yep, I do." Hard to forget about an angry, bald german man.

"Alright well.." I listened intently to their story, applying pressure to the cuts at the same time. The flow seemed to be slowing down and I couldn't have been any happier. As bad as I want it, do I really want to end my life like this? Hardly seems as glamorous as it did before. Glamorous? Man, I'm messed up.

"That's awesome. Umm.. I'm kinda busy, so can I just call you back later?" Please don't worry about me, I'm fine.

"Sure, alright. How come?" Steph asked, unsure as to why I had become busy all of a sudden.

"Just bogged down with plenty of homework, the usual. Sorry sis, bye! Tell Nicole bye for me, too!" I clicked the phone back onto the receiver and went back to my duties, checking on how the cuts were doing. I got a little slicing happy, and things weren't looking good. For the next little while, maybe a few weeks, I'd have to wear long sleeved shirts and since it was the middle of summer.. well.. it isn't going to be easy to bare.

"Hey darlin'." I heard a faint voice from downstairs. "Long time no see.."

I threw the towel under my bed, hiding any evidence as well as I could.

"Lauren, you're 15 minutes early. The kid isn't asleep yet.." Lips locked, the wet sound was carried through the halls, making it audible even upstairs.

"Oh, baby. You worry too much and besides, she can't hear a thing. You've had a rough day, let's make you forget, shall we?" His secretary, the same whore who never left him alone all day now came here to harass him at home. But then again, he didn't seem to mind too much. So harass? Nah.. maybe sexually harass.

"Kit, turn out the lights! I have a lot of stuff to do and I don't need to be worrying about you while I'm working!" Breaking the nasty make out session, my father screamed for me to head to bed and then continued on with Lauren.

Work? Hmm.. Sexual healing? What an idiot.

**-Narration-**

**But it wasn't as if I could do anything about the affair. Mother knew, she'd speak to me until I fell asleep every night whenever Lauren was in our home. She may have been dead, and unable of loving my dad anymore but one would expect the mourning process to last longer. Before my mom he hadn't even kissed a girl or held anyone in his arms, before her he knew nothing of the real world. He just did what he was told, and stayed away from temptations. Mixing work with pleasure was the last thing she thought he'd ever do, especially with the likes of Lauren. She was only 17, not much older than I. And mom was more than pissed off.. in fact, she wished him to die.**


End file.
